I have heard it all…
I am working on myself.
I am single because I am married to God, Jesus, the church (insert religion in here)
I am single because all women or men are dogs.
I am single because I am focusing on my career.
I am single because (insert whatever excuse here)
The truth is most single people that are single or “prefer” to be single are hiding because of fear of being hurt. I would make this piece for men only, but I will do a general section and then dig into a men’s only area at the end.
So let’s talk about singleness and relationships if you have done the work on yourself. Working on yourself to me means going to therapy for at least one year. Taking personal responsibility for all the reasons you caused your last relationships to end, being healed from past relationships and trauma, and you are ready and open to be giving and receiving love.
Therapy because if you are over 18 years old, you have some type of trauma. Therapy allows you space to speak freely. You can take off all your masks when you are in there. I would estimate that after 1 solid year of therapy, then you can check that off the list.
Taking personal responsibility for all the reasons you caused all your past relationships to end is a hard pill to swallow. No matter how abusive, crazy, silly, wild, and a liar your partner was. You decided to be with them, and you have to assume responsibility for how long you let yourself suffer in that relationship. Stop giving them the power like you are not a grown adult that can make choices for yourself. Assume responsibility now!
If you are always comparing your new partner to your old one. You have a severe problem. I don’t mean like once in a while. I mean, if you are consistently thinking about how your new partner is different or better than your previous partner. If you are triggered and can not move past certain things because it was done in past relationships.
If you treat your current partner as acting in the same frame as your old partner without your new partner aware of your past. You may want to heal. I have talked and seen men and women that are super bitter from previous relationships. It is unfair to anyone who wants to pursue you if you judge them from actions that a partner prior did to you if they are unaware of it.
It is easy to give love. Let me repeat, it is EASY to give love. But when you must sit down and just accept LOVE. That is hard for many men and women to do. When you give, you are in full control. But when you have to receive, you have no control. Yes, you can reject that love and say whatever you want, but deep down, you crave it.
However, past relationships and a new corrupt view of love may cause you to believe that you are not deserving of love. That you are somehow undeserving of love anymore. If you don’t heal, then you will consciously and subconsciously push all your future partners away. Your partners will strive to accept and move to understand you. And they will fight to welcome you as you are, but no one will keep pushing on your door of love forever when you keep shutting it in their face.
If you read this and you are one of those men or women stuck in these areas. Then get help fast!
You can be single forever and not get help. Die alone by yourself.
You can truly work on yourself. And take the necessary scary steps back into the dating world. Being in the dating world is not sunshine and rainbows. It will be hurtful words, warms hearts, instant connections, slow reconnections, and sometimes painful yet freeing breakups. With them all listed above, you have to give yourself A LOTTA GRACE, GRACE, and the other people you are dealing with. But even though you are full of fear. Put one foot in front of the other. And soon, you will be walking out the door to your first date. You may even run down the aisle. But let’s start with 1 foot out the door.
P.S For My Single Men, Read On Below…
Being single on purpose and working on yourself is fantastic and insightful. I have done it, and I believe all men should take the time to do it. But single on purpose and working on yourself becomes a toxic and dirty trap after awhile. You are scared to be hurt, and you start to generalize women based on women you can not even afford and are not even your caliber of women for the type of man you are.
I had a friend tell me that this girl wants a birken bag. I believe I spelled it right. But this bag cost, no joke, thousands of dollars. My exact words to him were. “She is not for you.” Take what I am about to say with some grace, please, because your ego may hurt, but you shall recover.
If a woman starts to talk and you are turned off by her natural daily conversation and worldview.
She is not for you, my brother. If she tells you that she desires designer handbags, expensive trips, and EXPECTS you to pay for everything because you are the man. As she is speaking, you are instantly turned off. She is not for you.
If a woman starts to talk and you are turned off by her natural daily conversation and worldview. She is not for you.
I don’t care how beautiful, gorgeous, breathtaking, and even if she makes your dick hard as a cocaine brick. She is not for you. You need to speak with women on your level. There are beautiful, gorgeous, breathtaking, and fine women and will make you feel like the only man in the world on your level of finances, thinking, and lifestyle.
Get That Money
I am so far in this that I should tell you. I don’t teach or help men pick up women, how to get laid, and how to feed their ego through sexual conquest. All that is meaningless to me. If you are looking for that, go somewhere else. But if you are looking to attract not just a beautiful woman but a lifelong partner that you can explore yours and her’s wildest dreams together. You are in the right place.
However, broke men do not get that.
Money means security. Yes, if you want to accomplish your dreams, you need money. Living a meaningful life means you need money. A real woman will look at your money as security. Can he lead and take care of himself, me, and our future family with his resources? Resources meaning money. So the best way to do this is super simple to write. Pay off your debts, save your money, and invest your money.
Build Your Health
As you are working on getting that money. Get that health in check. There is no reason why you are out of shape by going to the gym and picking up significantly heavyweight and putting it down in this day and age. You will naturally get more confidence in yourself. You will trust yourself too. At the gym, you will start to put up numbers that will even surprise you also. Your mindset and body will grow exponentially and be more centered.
This helps with singleness because no one wants to be with someone out of shape and unhealthy. How can we truly experience life and everything if you are always tired or self-conscious about your body? Get in the weight room, and I promise you the mental results will be more rewarding than the physical.
Create Your Vision
Every man needs to know where he is heading in life. You don’t need all the details, but you need to know the big picture. This is what we call a vision at the 1% Man. A vision will give you a detailed insight into every choice you make.
When you have a vision, you can determine the kind of job you will have, the people in your circle, the music you will listen to, and even the partner you will get. Because the vision gives you the ability to ask. Does this (person, place, or thing) help me get closer or further from my vision? Life gets a lot simpler when you can ask that question. How much more clarity will you have.
A vision will inspire those that are supposed to be in it. It will also push people away because they can not see themselves in it. The bible says women are supposed to be men’s partners and helpmates. I will bet you that the partner you choose will and can help you get to your vision faster or destroy your ambition to get to your vision altogether. Bad company corrupts good morals, and they mess up life’s vision too.
Plain and simple. Answer this. What Am I working toward right now? Once you know where you hope to be. Create a plan working backward on how to get there, starting with the end in mind. Then work to get there.
My brother being single is tough. But congrats for working on you. Now stop being so scared and get into the game. I am saying you have to get married tomorrow. But openly seek out conversations. Make friends with people. Tell the truth about your intentions. And stop hiding behind “I am working on me” bullshit. If this helps you, then great. If this does not apply to you, then please hit the share because we have millions of single men in this world. And this might be the wake-up call they need. Sign up for more exclusive content and never miss a beat below by entering your best email address list and first name below.